Jul
27
ANY MATURE WOMEN, HELP PLEASE?
By
Dan M asked:
So, I have been seening this lady for abou 4 months. We have been not strictly in a relationship. I approached the theme about a month ago, she pronounced she wasn't ready to dedicate but concluded which since she had been to my family functions, and me to hers, which we were dating. This was right after brand new years. Right after christmas i had since her tickets to got the internal martina mcbride concert, which we have right away left to. Two weeks ago was my birthday. She paid for me a candle which smelled similar to her house, and a lovable card, it was sealed with a heart? She additionally paid for me brad paisley tickets for the finish of february. She pronounced well i theory you will have to cling to out with me at slightest for an additional month. She is twenty-six and an accountant. She is in the center of bustling season. We both go to the same church, and she is wavering which if we begin Dating officially, the people we cling to out with will design us to be intent and tied together on a comparatively short time period. Thats tough to explain.
She is good with me when we have been by ourselves. However when we have been unresolved out with people around the church, she is unequivocally distant. I am perplexing to figure out what is going on. She mostly texts me late at night, or calls me. It creates me unequivocally uncertain of myself when she is apart around the group. When we have been around her friends or my friends, which aren't in the church, she seems fine. We have not kissed, only feel which if we supplement physical, it will mystify things. I would contend the hit up until this point has been finished 50/50 by her or I. How does this receptive to advice to you? Any thoughts ideas?
So, I have been seening this lady for abou 4 months. We have been not strictly in a relationship. I approached the theme about a month ago, she pronounced she wasn't ready to dedicate but concluded which since she had been to my family functions, and me to hers, which we were dating. This was right after brand new years. Right after christmas i had since her tickets to got the internal martina mcbride concert, which we have right away left to. Two weeks ago was my birthday. She paid for me a candle which smelled similar to her house, and a lovable card, it was sealed with a heart? She additionally paid for me brad paisley tickets for the finish of february. She pronounced well i theory you will have to cling to out with me at slightest for an additional month. She is twenty-six and an accountant. She is in the center of bustling season. We both go to the same church, and she is wavering which if we begin Dating officially, the people we cling to out with will design us to be intent and tied together on a comparatively short time period. Thats tough to explain.
She is good with me when we have been by ourselves. However when we have been unresolved out with people around the church, she is unequivocally distant. I am perplexing to figure out what is going on. She mostly texts me late at night, or calls me. It creates me unequivocally uncertain of myself when she is apart around the group. When we have been around her friends or my friends, which aren't in the church, she seems fine. We have not kissed, only feel which if we supplement physical, it will mystify things. I would contend the hit up until this point has been finished 50/50 by her or I. How does this receptive to advice to you? Any thoughts ideas?
8 Comments
July 27th, 2011 at 1:39 pm
You've been dating for 4 months and haven't kissed??
I don't think you guys are dating. I think you are close friends.
July 28th, 2011 at 11:13 am
Sounds like she is afraid of being judged at church. This is pretty common actually. But perhaps she feels that they will pressure her into committing further with you then what she is willing to do at this time. Don't know how much you guys have discussed past relationships but perhaps she has been burned badly in the past. Makes a woman extremely cautious even to the point of being scared half to death. I know I'm 30 and I've been there. I have a boyfriend right now but he even hints at marriage and I am like WHOA boy back up. Honestly, talk to her about it, ask her if the situation between you two has changed and tell her what you want. It is the quickest route to getting an answer to all the questions that you have. Or just lay one on her (kiss) and see what she does. lol, that could be fun too.
July 31st, 2011 at 7:57 pm
It's obvious she's not ready to explain you to any church friends, but then again, maybe she knows they are very judgmental and would create issues for her and she chooses to carry on somewhat distantly around them. That's fine, if you're BOTH aware of this situation and have discussed the reasons for it and have no problem with it. She does sound interested…but I think you both need to shed your respective stigma about sharing information with church people. It's quite frankly - NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS, UNLESS YOU TWO WANT IT TO BE.
Grace
August 4th, 2011 at 5:29 am
Maybe she is uncomfortable with the idea of everyone who KNOWS her… in her business. Plus church is not a time to be hugged up on each other anyways. Stop acting like a smotherer……… keep the contact at 50/50. Sounds good then everything else will fall into place.
August 6th, 2011 at 11:59 am
i think she thinks you guys are friends
August 7th, 2011 at 2:49 am
I feel that she is scared to say "commit" maybe she has had some bad relationship's in the past that makes her hesitate of getting into another one. As far as the church thing I know in my church is are real friendly with the person you are dating some people would think there is more going on behind close doors so maybe she is trying to avoid those thoughts from entering into other church members minds.
August 8th, 2011 at 5:00 pm
All I can say, and I am just about to celebrate my 37th wedding anniversary, so that makes me think I'm "mature" is that when you are in love with someone, you want to be with them ALL the time, you want to show them off to your friends, and you are usually dying for that special someone to utter any words of commitment! Maybe things have changed since I got married, but it makes me concerned that things change when you are with your church friends. I don't really know of anyone who expects someone to get married or engaged just because they have become an "item". This sounds a little worrisome to me, but you are with her , and I think you will figure this out in you heart. I wish you well, and hope you both get what you are looking for! Warmly
August 9th, 2011 at 4:52 pm
I kinda get where she's coming from because i'm 26, too. Strangely enough in this day and age there's still a lot of pressure to be married by 30. Even if you don't want to be married by 30 people pressure you. Churches a lot of times are very couple oriented. It's been my experience that church people want to put people together quickly. There was this guy I was casually dating (we'd only been dating for like a month) and we went to an event together with our church members and everyone had us married off and asking what we were going to name our children.
So after that the guy got a little distant around me at church and things.
I think she likes you a lot but I think she still wants/needs time to heal from that other relationship. I think I've posted before to another question you had about how she probably wants to make sure you're not the "rebound guy". If you're the rebound guy there could be a chance that things don't last long. She seems like she wants you in her life for a while.
Be patient. This sounds like it could get serious. Give her heart a little while longer to get over the other guy. She'll let you know when she's ready.