Apr
20
ADVANTAGES AND POTENTIAL DISADVANTAGES OF SERIOUSLY DATING A MAN WHO IS 10 YEARS OLDER THAN ME?
Bymaryannparker1982 asked:
I am twenty-five years old, but I think I am really mentally grown due to a little life-changing practice in the past couple of years. I cruise myself someone who knows what my hold up goals have been and is emotionally fast many of the time. I suffer guidance in opposite ways and hold in hold up prolonged learning. He is someone who enjoys reading, learning, and he's perplexing to be a self actualizing person. So far the conversations have been suggestive and rewarding, and I feel similar to we can sense a lot from each alternative and assistance us grow. What have been a little intensity problems or incompatibilities you can think of in a attribute with a ten-year gap? Do you think it could work? I am fearful he would think I am as well immature for him and to illustrate he is demure to aspire to this relationship. Thank you!
I am twenty-five years old, but I think I am really mentally grown due to a little life-changing practice in the past couple of years. I cruise myself someone who knows what my hold up goals have been and is emotionally fast many of the time. I suffer guidance in opposite ways and hold in hold up prolonged learning. He is someone who enjoys reading, learning, and he's perplexing to be a self actualizing person. So far the conversations have been suggestive and rewarding, and I feel similar to we can sense a lot from each alternative and assistance us grow. What have been a little intensity problems or incompatibilities you can think of in a attribute with a ten-year gap? Do you think it could work? I am fearful he would think I am as well immature for him and to illustrate he is demure to aspire to this relationship. Thank you!
4 Comments
April 21st, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Experience and lack of understanding keep the barriers up.
If you can't love yourself than how will anyone ever love you.
I really believe it starts with you first and looking for that magic arrow well that doesn't exist.
April 23rd, 2011 at 10:35 am
Setbacks. If you're thinking of a relationship that's really intence and would go up to marriage, then your parents on both sides might think that a ten year gap is too much. But if you love each others this should be no problem.
April 23rd, 2011 at 1:19 pm
I have dated a couple of guys ten years older, though in my 30s. The biggest issues I ran into were not really age differences, but other problems that made it clear that I needed to move on - anger over a divorce, drug addiction. If you are the same age you have some things in common like music, TV shows you watched, maybe some attitudes toward issues. You are still young, and will continue to grow and change. The most important thing is to find someone who is really into you and not just trying to have some fun for a while. Make sure he takes you seriously, because sometimes an older guy will try to treat you like a child. Most guys that age and older are divorced and have kids, which can complicate a new relationship and/or give you some good clues as to how he deals with relationship problems. Like any relationship, it can only work if you BOTH want it to work. Have fun and good luck!
April 24th, 2011 at 1:14 am
Personally I think that you both need more than just rewarding conversations. I'm not one for believing in all that lovey dovey talk at first meeting someone. But honestly from the way you wrote that up there sounds more like a business arrangement. I mean there is nothing wrong with learning things from someone that is different. But I don't really feel or even sense any romantical anything here. So already that sort of tells me this might be a relationship of convience on your part.
Another thing that I had noticed too here is the fact that you say all the ideal things about yourself but not with much certainty. For example you say you have matured from life-changing experiences. That is great but you haven't said what you have learned from them. You consider yourself someone who knows what your goals are thats great too. But have you achieved any of them in the last few weeks or months? And lastly this is the real kicker for me. You are emotionally stable most of the time. Dare I even contemplate what you are like the rest of the time? As for the guy he is into reading and learning. I say who isn't at some point in their life? And he is trying to be a self actualizing person, do you know what that means? I know that I don't, and if you haven't asked the guy to explain things more indepth about all this self-actualization I'm sure you are going to get frustrated over time when it appears that he isn't actualizing anything at all.
I'm trying not to be mean or cruel to you here. Or even judgmental either. But the thing is babe, you really need to learn and know more about yourself first. I mean its great that you are half way there with some of the stuff you have said about yourself. But I think you need to do some self esteem building and maybe a bit more "me" time to reach some of those goals, so you can know what its trully like to accoplish something and feel good about doing that. I mean a person's main set back is themselves in this world. And if we are on shaky ground, we crack or run under pressure leaving that other person in our lives wondering what the hell happened to us. So in my view and this is just me yacking away here. But if this guy is willing to be a good friend to you now and you think you can truly learn something from one another. I say strive for a real friendship first. Be each other's support system in reaching your goals first. Because to dive into a very emotionless unfufilled relationship on either your part or the guy's would be more than a little unhealthy. And it would no doubt fail and you could just tuck it away in your nice, neat little file under life-changing events that helped me mature. I say do the right thing for yourself and your own life before combining it with anyone else. Because at the end of the day you are the only one that can make you happy. Not a man, but you.
P.S. I was j/king a bit abou the self actualization. I know what it is. And I think you and your 10 year plus guy should work on this together. Help each other reach your full self-actualization plateau. I'm sure once you both reach more goals in your lives you might have a real decent shot at making a relationship work. But til then who says friendship is a unnecessary evil?
Good luck on the journey of getting to know and love you.