EUPHEMISMS FOR MASTERBATION, FEMALE SOME THESE ARE FUNNY FOR MATURE ONLY?

Willy asked:


A transformation is the transformation of an acceptable or harmless countenance for one which might provoke or indicate something unpleasant; additionally : the countenance so substituted.

A
A night in with the girls
Airing the orchid
Auditioning the finger puppets

B
Banana in your box
Bangin' the hood
Beat the beaver
Beat the c!it
Beating around the bush
Beaver bop, The
Bisecting the triangle
Bo-diddle, To
Brushing the beaver
Buff the weasel
Buffin' the muffin
Burro float by Grand Canyon
Bushwhacking
Buttering up the hair biscuit

C
Candlesticking
Carpet bumping
Cat got your tongue
Cuddle your c!it
Checking for squirrels
Cherry twist
Choking the oyster
Churning butter
Clam bake for one
Cleaning the fish
Cleaning your fingers
Cleaving it to Beaver
C!it clamp
Clitters
Clubbin' the nubbin'
Coming in to your own
Composing on the singular key piano
Cook the clam
Cook your nookie
Cradle the cooch
Creamin'
Cucumber in your cooze
Cuddling the kitty
Cup your c@nt

D
Dialing the rotary phone
Dickless dildo dance, The
Diddling
Diddling the bean
Digging a trench
Digging for clam
Dip your digits
Do the nasty
Doing your nails
Double clicking your mouse
Dousing the digits
Drawing inside the lines
Drilling for lass water
Drowning the crabs

E
Engaging in protected sex
Engaging in a prohibited symbol issue
Erasing the problem

F
Fanning the fur
Feed the beaver
Feed the cat
Feeding the whiskered clam
Feeding your slot
Feel the fur
Fiddle with your middle
Fiddling the bean
Finger blasting
Fingerbating
Fingerpainting
Five knuckle gusset shuffle
Flickin' the bean
Flickin' your c!it
Flipping the switch
Flit the c!it
Flounder feeling
Fluff your muff
Fondling the flaps
Frigging
F@cking but complications
Furry finger f@ck, The

G
Gagging the cat
Gagging the clam
Gagging the lips of love
Genital kick around phalangetic motion
Get a date with sharp mittens
Get a lube job
Get nasty
Get to know yourself
Get a stinky pinky
Giving mouth service
Giving the hairy bunny a carrot
Giving yourself the finger
Going mining
Groping the grotto
Greasing the slit
Greasing your hips
Grissle rub
Grooving the groove
Gusset typing

H
Harmonious palm hump, The
Having a little clam dip
Having sex with someone you love
Hee-haw with wrinkled mee-maw
Hello Kitty
Hiking the canyon
Hitchhiking south
Hitchhiking to Heaven
Hitchhiking underneath the big top
Hump the bump

I
Ironing a little wrinkles
Itch the ditch
Itching the scratch

J
Jackin' the flaps
Jerkin' your merkin
Jillin' off
Jocelyn Eldering

K
Killing the ferret
Kit Kat shuffle
Knifing
Knuckle f@cking
Knuckle shuffle

L
Ladle out the gravy boat
Leave it to beaver
Let the fingers do the walkin'
Levy mangle limbo
Lick your lips
Lovin' your oven
Lucy

M
Make the waves come in
Making soup
Manual override
Massaging the mistress
Mauling the Maid
Melting snow
Merry widow waltz, The
Mistressbation
Muffin buffin'

N
Non-penile wish pursuit, The
Nulling the void
Nuzzle your fuzz

O
Oiling the puss
Orchid grinding
Ordaining the valley

P
Paddling the pinkish canoe
Palmolive finger dip, The
Pampering the p@ssy
Panning for gold
Parting the Red Sea
Parting the waters
Pearl fishing
Pet the petunia
Pet the p@ssy
Petting the poodle
Piddle the pooter
Pipe cleaning
Plunging the skunk guts
Polishing the nugget
Polishing the peanut
Polishing the pearl
Polishing your nails
Pound the mound
Plan B
Play the clitar
Playing cot hockey for one
Playing poke-her
Playing the old one-key piano
Playing the wordless trombone
Playing with her pineapple
Playing with Mrs. Palmer's five daughters
Playing with the ferret
Playing with the male in the boat
Plumbing the unfounded array of passion
Pull your c!it 'til you spit
Punishing the pink
Punt your c@nt
Pushing the button
P@ssy soccer

Q
Quackle the queen
Quim slippin'

R
Renting a vessel for one in executive park
Riding the unicycle
Ringing for service
Rolling the dough
Rolling the pebble
Rounding the mound
Rowing your one (wo)man canoe
Rub your cooze 'til you ooze
Rubbin' the nubbin
Rubbing the donut
Rubbing the red pussycat

S
Scoring the hoop
Scratch your snatch
Scrubbing the dishpan
See if the baby's home
Shadow boxing
Shaking hands with Mr. Lincoln
She-bop
Shelling the oyster
Slapping the south mouth
Soak your seat
Soaking the hair biscuit
Spank the fish
Spelunking
Spearing the whiskered clam
Spinning the record
Split your slit
Splittin' the kitten
Squeeze the peach
Stirring the clam chowder
Stirring the trough
Stroke the peekaboo Nellie
Stroke your slit
Strokin' and pokin'
Strumming
Strumming the banjo
Stuffing the turkey
Surfing the channel
Swat your twat
Sweeping the streets of Tuna Town

T
Teasing the kitty
Teasing the tuna taco
Testing the batteries
Testing the plumbing
Tibetan self-inflicted arm nuzzle, The
Tickling the bean
Tickling the Elmo
Tickling the (tuna) taco
Tiptoe by the twolips
Toggling the bit
Tossing pinkish salad
Three point shot
Trolling the Bermuda Triangle
Tugging the straight smile
Tuning the taco
Twaddling the twat
Two finger taco tango

U
Undergarment typing
Unwrapping the present box

V
Vacuuming the carpet
Virgin's release, The

W
Walk by the hollow of love, A
Washing your fingers
Watering the grass
Wet your whistle
Womanipulation

X
X-boxing

Y
Yanking the ya-ya

Z
[none]

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