Feb
14
DATING QUESTION FOR MATURE MEN, PLEASE?
By
Katie asked:
I have regularly followed the "dating rules" (ie: not carrying sex with someone which I'm not in a attribute with) but have not antiquated any one to one side for a prolonged time. I ran in to a man which I worked with in high school, I regularly favourite him alot but we never went out. We finished up assembly for a splash to catch up and both had a couple of as well most and had dipsomaniac sex. I feel so terrible, I am fearful which I busted my chances with him, given I have regularly believed which carrying sex as well shortly hull a man's apply oneself for a woman. He texted messaged me the subsequent day to discuss it me which he had a great time, and we both exchanged a couple of some-more messages and eventually I told him I had a great time as well. I wish to discuss it him how uncanny I feel, but do not know how to go about it. I done a inapplicable designation given I had not had sex in over a year and I favourite him. Please gangling me the comments about how slutty my actions were given I'm well aware. I need recommendation on how to go about deliberating this with him. Please give me a little advice.
I would similar to to supplement which I am twenty-eight years old, as is he, we have the same b'day…..since a couple of people have been wondering my age. I am divorced and have not mastered the art of dating these days, but I am nobody's plunder call, and am the sort of lady who final respect, but who additionally enjoys sex. He and I have been both really independant people and conjunction of us wants to be with a chairman who is needy or overwhelming.
I have regularly followed the "dating rules" (ie: not carrying sex with someone which I'm not in a attribute with) but have not antiquated any one to one side for a prolonged time. I ran in to a man which I worked with in high school, I regularly favourite him alot but we never went out. We finished up assembly for a splash to catch up and both had a couple of as well most and had dipsomaniac sex. I feel so terrible, I am fearful which I busted my chances with him, given I have regularly believed which carrying sex as well shortly hull a man's apply oneself for a woman. He texted messaged me the subsequent day to discuss it me which he had a great time, and we both exchanged a couple of some-more messages and eventually I told him I had a great time as well. I wish to discuss it him how uncanny I feel, but do not know how to go about it. I done a inapplicable designation given I had not had sex in over a year and I favourite him. Please gangling me the comments about how slutty my actions were given I'm well aware. I need recommendation on how to go about deliberating this with him. Please give me a little advice.
I would similar to to supplement which I am twenty-eight years old, as is he, we have the same b'day…..since a couple of people have been wondering my age. I am divorced and have not mastered the art of dating these days, but I am nobody's plunder call, and am the sort of lady who final respect, but who additionally enjoys sex. He and I have been both really independant people and conjunction of us wants to be with a chairman who is needy or overwhelming.
12 Comments
February 17th, 2010 at 7:12 pm
Invite him to dinner at your place, and see if he accepts. Tell him you';d like to get to know him better and see where it goes. Ask him if he'd like that too.
Be brave. Do not bring up your feelings at this time. What you did was done. However, If dinner at your place doesn't make you comfortable, fearing he'll want to jump your bones again, ask him to a sporting event, a museum, a concert, whatever. Even a salad bar or art show.
February 21st, 2010 at 1:55 am
Drunk sex……..*sigh*
February 23rd, 2010 at 7:01 am
Honestly, just tell him how you feel about the oops sex. Tell him you'd like to see him again, but kick this one off at square one - without the sex. And, don't come across as wanting a serious relationship immediately.
February 24th, 2010 at 4:39 pm
I realize I'm not a fella… but maybe a girls perspective on this will help? Here goes…
If you can talk to a close friend who knows you and possibly this man, that may be best. Maybe you just need to confide in someone… so do that first and see what they say - and see how you feel.
If you still feel the need to address it with this guy (or don't want to confide in anyone else), I would probably have a glass of wine to relax and then casually bring it up. It is awkward to bring it up, but you can address that fact… and then explain how important intimacy is to you and how that type of thing never happened before.
Isn't it weird how "in the moment" you can have sex with someone, but talking about it when "out of the moment" becomes so difficult?
I hope that helped… best of luck to you.
February 26th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Not a guy, but I though I would chime in. Men do not lose respect for a girl because you have sex too soon. If that was the case, most of the people on this planet would be alone - and I wouldn't be married right now. Relax, realize that you are worth more than sex, and get to know this guy. Having sex with a guy you like isn't slutty…unless his friends joined in as well.
March 1st, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Sounds like you've already figured it out.
You didn't want to start a relationship with sex.
You're interesting in him
You'd like to back up and start over
One way to push it all into the past is to offer an apology for your part in letting things get out of hand. You didn't mean to. It sent an unintended message, and you're sorry if he got the wrong idea. "Let's please start over."
This isn't admitting you're wrong or bad or something like that. It's a diplomatic way of putting what happened behind you both and giving him a face-saving 'out'.
March 3rd, 2010 at 2:34 am
Please, don't hate me for responding, but I felt the answers here were off so far….
I think you should say nothing…. Wait till he invites you out on a real date. Make sure you handle it how your would any other new dating prospect…go SLOW… if you invite him to your house he will see that as invite for more sex.
Make sure you do dinner and dating for a while. If he comes on too strong, at some point while you are dating, let him know you need time. If he brings up the drunk sex, tell him that that is not how you conduct yourself and it was a mistake.
I think telling him your feelings and discussing such things too soon, is a bad idea because its too much info too soon… the only way to show who you really are, is to be that person with him as much as you can so he can get to know you.
March 4th, 2010 at 9:23 am
I don't know how old you are but there comes a point where the "dating rules" get in the way.
As we mature the available time to establish those sexual relationships becomes shorter and shorter.
Frankly it took both of you to do the deed and he is probably
pleasantly surprised that it went that way.
Perhaps your best course of action would be to invite him OUT to dinner and discuss your last date. There is nothing wrong with suggesting that your last encounter was out of character for you and that you felt comfortable ( and drunk) enough to open up in a way you never have before. Explain that it was not like you and you feel strange for the way it went but that you do not regret it. He has told you already he considered it a nice time. Maturity brings the ability to say what you are thinking and feeling.
Why dance around it?
If he is adult he will tell you the truth about his feelings.
If not he is not worth the effort anyway.
There exist some discussions which are better left face to face. This is one.
There is another concept that he may recognize, as many of us do, that mature women who hold out for an extended relationship just don't like sex.
Your willingness might promote that return engagement. If it does not, perhaps you should be asking about his double standard.
Give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he is a gentleman who will not kiss and tell and sophisticated enough to consider this a desireable trait and not a character flaw.
That is until he gives you a reason to think otherwise.
March 4th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
When it comes to sex the male ego is pretty fragile to negativity. You need to tell him you wish you wouldn't have had sex because it was before you two got to go dating first and built those bridges AND because you were drunk you didn't get the full experience with him you would have wanted. If he's mature he should understand.
March 7th, 2010 at 5:20 pm
I for one, don't believe for a NY minute that you ruined anything. It sounds like you have a good standard that you live by, and I am sure this gentleman will see that if you continue the relationship with him. You just need to be yourself. I would certainly let him know that was something you do not do, but don't drone on about it. He will learn who you are, if you give him the chance. After he gets to know you, he might feel flattered that you did satisfy your desires, on a whim, with him. After all, I am sure there have been other chances, and those guys didn't fare as well. Good luck.
March 8th, 2010 at 3:13 am
Tell him what you told us. If he is a gentleman worthy of your future attention he should understand. If he doesn't then he probably wasn't going to be a long term relationship anyways. Good Luck
March 11th, 2010 at 9:03 am
Don't apologize for what you did, that makes you look weak. If it gets brought up again or he tries to do you again, just be honest with him. Tell him you went through a divorce and haven't dated much and you felt comfortable (and buzzed) with an old friend and it took care of a certain need you had. That being said, if he wants to pursue a relationship on a normal level you would be willing to, but it has to go back a few steps till it gets to where you guys ended up the first time. Honesty goes a long way, you were horny and he is a cool guy from your past and it happened. He will lose respect for you if you act all self righteous or clingy and regretful. Self confidence is a lot more attractive than regret or guilt over a drunken hook up. The balls in your court if you know how to play the game.