MY FRIENDS TOLD ME TO LEAVE HIM A LONG TIME AGO. (MATURE)?
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First of all, my beloved is thousands of miles divided from me… It has been dual months given he left for deployment.
Four months ago my beloved and i went on a small outing and we got in to a foolish evidence and I finished up removing out of the car and I took a travel only to get divided from the tension. He gathering around to find me and when he did, he grabbed me by the arm to the car and he gathering dangerously, he didn't caring about the pedestrians who were about to cranky the street, and he was pushing fast in the parking lot. When he stopped the car, i took the keys from him and he attempted to take it behind from me by tightening his hold on my wrists and when i didn't give up, he grabbed me by my jaw line and attempted to fist it so i eventually gave the keys back. of march i proposed great my eyes out and we got out of the car and he hugged me. After that, i felt emotionally aggrieved but i still desired him unequivocally much.
Two days later, we got in to a outrageous fight. Then he told me he didn't love me and which he never did, so I slapped him and given I had prolonged nails, I left a blemish on his face. When we were invariably cheering at each alternative he pinned me on the belligerent and yelled in my face. He had a hold on my arms and he left me bruises on my left arm when he shook me on the ground. We pennyless up which day.
Then I didn't speak to him for 2 weeks until one day he called me pathetic and observant which he desired me and he bewail all which he did. He could not mount the actuality which I was free to date whoever I want… Since I'm an idiot, I took him behind and hold onto his word which he is going to try to change.
My beloved had a bad childhood… I unequivocally do not wish to post what he went by here, but it's not something a normal pre-schooler should have to go through. Things have left improved for us for the past dual months but I can't assistance but consternation infrequently if I done the right preference to stay with someone who had physically harm me. I'm perplexing to assimilate him and see if he unequivocally could change. He had been promulgation me a lot of flowering plants newly and he gets overly suspicious which I would leave him at your convenience I do not summary him back.
If you were me, what would you do? I need advice. I'm not nauseous at all, in the months we were dating, I had guys perplexing to do things for me so I would similar to them… But I kept rejecting them for the asshole of a beloved which I have. Help me, I think I'm in the Rihanna-Chris situation.
27 Comments
December 6th, 2009 at 6:04 am
You both need anger management classes. The way you both behave is inappropriate and abusive. Learn to communicate and to treat others with respect.
December 8th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP NOW!!!!!
DO YOU HEAR ME, THERE IS NO REASONS FOR A GUY TO HIT A GIRL NO REASON. IF HE DOES THAT AGAIN REPORT HIM YOU GOT IT. Sorry If i sounded like I was shouting but thats because this is a terrible situation and i dont want any girl in that.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
kind of seems like me and my boyfriend. except my boyfriend has never once laid a hand on me. we used to argue a lot and now he is a lot better and even a little paranoid that i will leave him. if he ever laid a hand on me, i would have never looked back. i suggest you do the same. everyone deserves better. leave him, and pray he doesn't stalk you
December 12th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
If you say your bf is a a$$hole , that answers your question. Too much drama and no man abuses me in any form or fashion.
December 13th, 2009 at 2:00 am
i do not know you or your boyfriend but all i can say is get out of that relationship! i know you love him but the beating will get worse, its like throwing your life away, good luck
December 15th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Run like Hell is after you. This guy is a dominant overbearing troubled man. A man who tells you he doesn't love you and is physically abusive is the beginning of what the future holds. He will not change!
Get a restraining order now. Move and change your numbers if it's possible. Tell yourself 24,000 times per day that this is not going to work because it isn't.
December 17th, 2009 at 4:27 am
I know everyone is telling you this, but you REALLY do need to leave him. Bad love is not is not worth it at all. Find someone who doesn't hurt you, or get over protective of you. Most guys do not change even though they say they do. So just break it off right away.
Hope it helps
December 19th, 2009 at 8:46 am
If he had a bad child hood and I don't know the story you should give him a bit of a brake, and if called you back "sobbing" and I hope he apologized for hurting you then he actually cares. If you two actually care about eachother you should talk about how you feel with him while your alone.
December 21st, 2009 at 3:44 pm
ok look honey you need to get out of that relationship because they are not good my mom was in one and i was to and its not fun at all. look all he wants is to have you all to his-self and he cant handle not having you. break up with him and find someone new you say your not ugly so go for someone who is going to treat you like a person not a dog
December 22nd, 2009 at 2:54 am
I was in this kind of situation a few months ago, the best thing to do is just leave, he's not worth it. He's always going to treat you badly and you don't deserve that.
It was hard for me to leave my boyfriend, we were together a very long time, but now im with someone else who makes me completely happy and its wierd being with someone who is so sweet to me but its actually very very nice, I hope you make the right choice and leave him for good.
December 22nd, 2009 at 4:48 am
You need to be careful. Try to go to treatments for anger management and to help him cope with his past. Believe me, it'll help him change even more. But you have to know when to scram if things get too dangerous. If he tries something stupid again just call the cops and scream like a crazy person. It'll freak him out but more people will know about what's going on and try to help you. Also, try to always be where there's people. You have more of a chance to receive help. But don't wait too long or it may as well be too late and to a fellow sister, I wouldn't want that to happen.
December 24th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
I think that if he wants to prove that he is going to change - just words are not enough.
He should put his action where his words are - and find help.
The outburst you describe makes me worried - if he uses violence that easy, and with intention to hurt you - or drives in such a way to almost intentionally hurt other traffic participants - he is a dangerous person, for you and for his environment.
The paranoia bit is also worrying. Bad childhood is never an excuse, as we CHOOSE to do what we do - and we cannot ever blame someone else for (in this case) hurting a woman.
Has he, in the past 2 months, sought help? As in go to a therapist for anger management therapy?
Has he talked to a counselor? Or a doctor?
If you are honest, and have to answer no here - then I would recommend you leave him until that time at least where he has actually completed a therapy.
Why?
Because if you do nothing, you are in fact sending the message that what he did was not so bad. It means you are okay with the way he is now, which is for all intents and purposes abuse waiting to happen.
Love is a wonderful thing, but it does tend to blind us to some nastier sides our partners may have.
Consider this:
What if you marry, and have a child (or children) and he again loses control and does to a child the same he did to you?
Children cannot handle that much power, and he might very well crack a bone or a jaw. Can you live with that on your consciousness?
So, to make a long story short - Demand he get therapy - or leave him. That is my advice.
If you want to ask more - you can contact me through my Y!A profile.
December 25th, 2009 at 5:27 am
Ugh, people are going to say leave him cause he put his hands on you. But I know its much harder said than done. My boyfriend gets physical with me as well, but I would not want to be with anyone else. It is really up to you. If he no longer hurts you physically then you should stay with him because it sounds like you really do care about him. Sometimes it takes a lot for someone to change, my boyfriend used to hit me all the time, and with time it lessened, and he said he realized how wrong he was, and even though his temper gets the best of him sometimes, and people think Im an idiot for staying around cause he still hits me, I just love him too much to walk away, and I have faith that one day he will be able to control himself and we can work through this.
December 27th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Yeah it was a dumb move to take him back. Sorry to say but that kind of dangerous behavior will most likely continue when he gets back. He seems really unstable and could cause you serious harm one day. I understand he has been through a lot, but it isn't your responsibility to stay with him because you want to help him/ not upset him. Find someone that treats you right and be happy.
Take care
December 29th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Honestly, paranoia that you're going to leave him if you can't jump to respond to him right away isn't a sign that his issues are getting better at all. What happens when he gets back and is capable of trying to track you down the way he did before?
If you want to continue giving him a chance, make sure he takes advantage of whatever help is available to him wherever he's stationed; the trauma in his past needs to be worked through so that it doesn't affect his present. Personally, though, I think I'd end it and get help for yourself to figure out what would make you want to stay in a relationship that makes you frightened for your safety.
January 1st, 2010 at 6:48 am
Ok heres what I think, (Guys point of veiw) I had a bad childhood too ok… But that is NEVER an excuse to hit or bruise a lady (unless its really kinky sex) He is a violent man, and ok maybe he will change, BUT if he hits you or bruises you again. I would seriously end it, I am a frim believer in second chances. But honestly you deserve better, and if he cant give you that then leave him.
January 3rd, 2010 at 11:35 am
I fell well worried for you
be carefull seriously.
haha x
if he touches you again.
tell me, ill sort him out
but maybe you should just say, listen im a girl. im not one of your mates who you go to football with or who you have burping contests with im your girlfriend, respect me!
but if he says BLAH BLAH BLAH say, thats it. were over.
you treat me like sh!t and i cant take it anymore.
now go for a boy whos closer to you and who you think will be more caring.
goodluck babycakes
.xo
January 5th, 2010 at 1:54 am
well i understand where hes comming from to driver all crazy and grab u and everything ive done that to my current gf and we have broken up because of it but like always she has taken me back!! u just need to sit him down and let him know how you feel tell him if he doesnt treat u right then ull find someone who will treat u right people do change i promise it just takes time!! ive done the same things my gf asked me not to multipile times and everytime i convince her im ready to change and get her back u just need to convince him ull be getting pounded by someone else if he doesnt treat u right!! lol im serious tho…i dunno hope i made sense
January 8th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Get out of there. If he has problems, they're his problems and he should deal with them.
But any man who lays a finger on a woman, no matter what the situation, is trash.
January 8th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Since your boyfriend had a bad childhood why not try to get counselling or try seeing a psychologist to relieve himself of the trauma he still feels and is experiencing. If he wishes not to and you encourage on more than on occasion then you'll have to make up your mind on what you want to do because if you both have an argument he just cant think the solution is to hit you. Try to talk to him let him openly release is anger and both of you should work out a method when he gets angry what he should do. Example try walking around the house, take a ride, whatever works for him try to be cooperative. If he doesn't want to listen you'll have to consider what you want to do because this relationship could be to the detriment of your body.(physically abuse) EMAIL ME BACK
January 10th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
You've had your problems. He's had a rough childhood and is taking it out on you and you feel like if you can't take it and abandon the relationship then that makes you a bad person. What happened to him sucks, but it's still his problem to deal w/ it. If he's too volatile to lean on family and friends exclusively, then he needs professional help. The military will likely help him a lot, and realize that he may change as a person to the extent that you're no longer right for him by the time you see him next anyway.
Neither me or anyone else on here is in a position to take your six paragraphs and you give better more appropriate advice than that of your friends. Your friends know you better, they know him better, and they know what's better for you. Listen to your friends. They're trying to look out for you, and if they say it's time to leave this guy, the I trust that advice and will urge you to do the same.
January 11th, 2010 at 5:20 pm
leave him alone break it off with him i think that you need to be with someone who will treat you right. not only that but the military controls your mind and makes you think you need to be # 1 and you have to be number one so that didnt help soo leave him alone
January 12th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
If you really don't love him then maybe its time to end it, maybe he did have a terrible childhood and that's the reasoning for why he is the way he is but he is not a child anymore and has to take responsibility for his own life and his actions can no longer be justified because of how he was brought up. This guy has already physically and emotionally hurt you more than once, and i'm sorry but no one can change their entire personality over night. He may say he has changed for good, but there is no telling how long that will last and if he is thousands of miles away how can you really tell how much he has changed? If I was you I would get out of this relationship, and leave it behind you. Sounds like this guy has serious issues he needs to work through before he can be in a serious relationship with anyone.
Good Luck
January 13th, 2010 at 5:47 am
He loves you but he has a bit of insecurity issues he has to deal with or is dealing with mentally. The way he acts is a result of his troubled past mainly some act of childhood abuse or he may be traumatized by the effects of growing up in an environment where all he knew about or saw was violent acts. You have to make a decision as to whether or not you are willing to deal with this. So far it sames as though you can. Ironically women seem more attracted to aggressive more violent men but sometimes you have to draw the line. When your outer beauty is gone so will he. Never let a man hit you or you'll always be a boxing bag
January 13th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
WELL YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS LEADING TO AN CHRIS AND RIHANNA RELATIONSHIP. BUT IT'S UP TO YOU TO FINISH THE RELATIONSHIP, IT'S NOT WORTH ALL THE TROUBLE ONCE YOU LET HIM GO IT YOUR LIFE WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. TRUST ME. LET HIM GO
January 14th, 2010 at 6:03 am
I can agree with another poster's assessment that you *both* need Anger Management.
That being said…drop him, and run. Personally, after he dragged you (a pedestrian) by the arm while driving a car, I would have pressed Criminal Charges and requested an Order of Protection.
As for your boyfriend's childhood…my mother was abused by a family friend as a child, and as such she still can not fully trust any male. That being said, I never felt less loved.
Move on with your life, and grow. Tell him that you can't trust him, and ask that he not try to communicate with you.
Good Luck!
January 15th, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Okay can you see yourself with this guy in the future? I Think you should stay with him if you care about him, because you hit him in the face. He only held your wrists down, so you have abused him also. You guys can both work it out; if you both work on your abusive hitting ways together.If you CARE for HIM and he cares for you then you guys should both talk it over and agree that shouting and yelling and hitting is not going to keep your relationship happy.What will make you guys both happy is talking it over in a respectful manner. And he is deployed now, so can you deal with a long distance relationship. You have to make a list for yourself and have good/ bad on it. If the good outweighs the bad about him, then stay with him. But if the bad outweighs the good, then leave him. If that is the case then tell him about the checklist and that there is too much bad things that's happened in the relationship and that it is not something you can move on with. Also, remember that you hit him also so he's not the only to blame alone.